Lies We Tell Ourselves

The lies we tell ourselves... A woman walks around calmly with an indistinguishable expression on her face, not a smile, not a frown. She's just there. But is it beauty? A big crowd moves around with a divine rhythm of its own. Each individual moves around with a pace of her own, but also with a pace which belongs to others as well. Who are these others? She does not ask the question. She gets on with her day, not bumping into any one of the hundreds of persons she's walking past, not wanting to change her own pace. And determined to get her things done. When do we pause? When does she really get to meet something new, a new idea, a new person, a new boyfriend? She moves around in the crowd with her coffee in her hand, and she enjoys the passing instants. The man passing by thinks about success too. Success makes us wealthy, it is what we want and what we seek. So she keeps doing it. And he too.

Is there unhappiness laying under that surface? Where is it, exactly? Can we find its place, and diagnose it? And if we did, would it have helped?

I find it difficult to cope with jealousy in relationships. I would like to know whether this is caused by me, by the stage of my life which I am going through or is it because of something else? Something intrinsic to jealousy. Or 'envy', perhaps I should call it. It is a difficult emotion to digest for me. I wonder where everyone went, how I could have coped with their negativities. It is incredible how money directs everything, and how so many people disappear. Willingly or unwillingly, they just go.

Where is that place?